i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
