i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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