I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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