I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
