No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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