i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
