if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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