New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
