I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
