Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
