sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
