Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
