Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
