Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
