so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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