i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
