he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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