you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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