do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
