How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
