he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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