I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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