Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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