I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
