You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
