UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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