The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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