I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
