A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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