oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
