this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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