I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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