At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
