even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
