Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
