Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
