dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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