i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Are we still banned from the library?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
