He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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