I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
