You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
