there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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