i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
