Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
