Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
