who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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