I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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