I wish I only lived at night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
