I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
