I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
