No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
