found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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