Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize