Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
