She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
