Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
