plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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