new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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