Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
