I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
