If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
