You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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