He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
