Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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