I just pynch a tree in the face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
