what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
