Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
