Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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