you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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