walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
